President and CEO, Rosie Inguanzo-Martin shares her personal story of caring for her mother with CHF and the gift of providing caregiving through home health.
My mother was diagnosed with Congestive Heart Failure (CHF) at the age of 83. My father passed away and as her daughter it was my honor to care for her.
Like many other children with elderly parents I felt guilty on many levels. I had feelings of inadequacy to personally provide excellent care for her. Time was not on my side either. I was a wife with a loving husband. We had a young son to care for and I worked full-time.
It was a difficult balance trying to drive my mom to all of her doctor’s appointments, cook meals, assist in her dressing, medication management and spend time with my family.
I could not simply come to the front door and help her into my car. A “simple” doctor’s appointment took at least half a day. I had to be there before, during and after the appointment. I could not just drop her off at home. I had to make sure I helped her change back into comfortable clothing, etc for my own peace of mind.
(Pictured Rosie and her mother Maria Roselia)
Like many of you I had siblings, but they worked too, and or did not live in the area. It was up to me to be a super daughter the way my mom was a super mom.
I felt like a failure at this task. I always felt like I did not spend quality time with her because I was too busy managing her health and her daily needs. I was more like a caregiver and not a daughter. I could not enjoy a nice meal sitting alongside my mother. I could not enjoy listening to all of her stories. Instead I was rushing around trying to make everyone happy.
My mom found happiness in sharing her memories. She loved talking. She loved her friends and family. I knew I needed to give her time and companionship.
One day I broke down and hired a caregiver from Allegiance Home Health the agency my husband and I opened in 2005. We established Allegiance because my mom had surgery and we were not too happy with the home health care she received. At the time we owned and operated an outpatient physical therapy clinic specializing in treating seniors. Our patients were sharing their home health experiences too.
We knew we could make a difference and give seniors dignity at home and protect them by providing excellent care at home or the place they called home. If a loved one was in the hospital and you wanted someone to sit with them all night long, we could do that too!
My mom’s care began about 12-14 hours a week and after many years continued to increase as her health declined. Her aide performed light housekeeping, driving, meal preparation and assisted my mom when bathing. Having someone there when she was bathing gave me peace of mind. The likelihood of her falling was highly reduced.
At first hiring a caregiver was difficult but it turned out to be the most rewarding decision I made for my mom.
I found myself visiting my mother and enjoying my time with her. Why? Because I was no longer frantically worrying about being late for her doctor’s appointment. I no longer had to help dress her, clean up especially the kitchen and bathroom and cook low salt or no salt meals. Even driving her became a relief. If I could not personally pick her up due to my work schedule, I would meet her at the doctor’s office with her aide. After the doctor’s appointment we would have lunch together either at home or at a restaurant.
Her aide took her to the salon, mall and a stroll around the neighborhood. When my mom became wheelchair dependent the “aide” still took her out in the morning before the sun became too intense.
The word aide is in quotation marks because as time passed my mother needed her more, I needed her more. She became part of our family. A blessing for my mom. A blessing for all of us.
As time passed there were other aides who also helped in mom’s care as the hours increased. I was always amazed by their level of compassion and expertise. I was proud of owning a company that provided compassionate care, peace of mind, longevity, independence and dignity. I lived it. We lived it.
I wanted to give my mom the best life I could until the very end. After eight years she passed peacefully at home with the help of hospice and her long-term aide by her side. She had outlived the predictions of her doctor’s considering all of her comorbidities. I knew why. It was because of the care she received from her compassionate aide who modified her diet and behavior under the supervision of an RN.
At the end of her life I sat by my mom’s side day and night. I wanted to be there to hold her hand for her last breath. The day she passed I was sitting by her bedside and her aide and hospice nurse said, “Give yourself a break and go see your son and husband”. I said, “Ok I will return by noon”. I guess my mom didn’t think I could handle it and she passed just before noon with her aide by her side holding her hand. They say sometimes your loved ones choose when they are going to pass to save you from the heartache.
Prior to her passing in addition to providing the gift of private care I gave her another gift. The gift of reassuring her daily that everything and everyone was ok. I mentioned all the names of each immediate family member and how well they were doing. I especially told her about her dear grandchildren. I told her it was ok to go and be with my dad and all of her loved ones, especially her grandson who passed away from Leukemia as a toddler.
I thanked her for being a loving and caring mother and for the life she provided me. I knew it would make her feel at ease as if her job on Earth was complete. Everyone was ok now she could go rest in peace.
In honor of my mom, my husband and I established a scholarship fund for the College of Nursing at Florida Atlantic University, my alma mater.
If you ever want to discuss caring for your loved one and next steps I am here to help. My husband and I enjoy listening and giving advice. We have taken care of many of our loved ones with the help of an aide, nurse, physical, speech and occupational therapist.
Our empathy is deep because of the lessons and knowledge we have learned throughout the years.
I hope my story can help you with your loved one. You are not alone.
